The Lady with the Baby, Reprise

I realize I haven't written about any fall holidays, Abby's birthday,or Christmas.  In light of my last post, though, I'm inspired to write about an incident that happened about a month ago, right after Thanksgiving.  Festive posts to come soon!

Last February, I wrote a post about people's reactions to tiny babies. Maybe it's because Abby was/is particularly adorable and charming, but I suspect most people with small babies have people say these types of things to them.  It usually opens with something about how precious/adorable the child is, then sometimes follows up with some vaguely ominous warning about the future.  "They're cute until they start talking back."  "Just wait til she starts moving." "Can I trade my teenager in for her?" I usually just smile and nod, because what can you say?

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Kevin and I went with friends to the Christmas tree lighting in Bel Air.  Afterwards, he, Abby and I had dinner at a local restaurant.  Sitting near us was a large group of what appeared to be an extended family, including two preteen girls.  Abby was being very charming (as usual), and was smiling and waving at everyone.  As we got up to leave, one of the mothers at the table turned to us to tell us how adorable Abby was.  I smiled graciously and thanked her, but then she added something unusual.

"It just keeps getting better and better," she said.  "My girls are so much fun.  Did you see that dance routine they did? (We had, and it was awesome.) They made that up while we were waiting in line to check out on Black Friday. People always tell you to enjoy while they're babies, but things are just so good now."

I thanked her.  It was so refreshing to have someone say this.  I had already sort of figured out that each stage has its own challenges and rewards, but to hear this offered up by a stranger was a gift.  I understand the message to "enjoy them now," but why does it so often have to be followed by, "...because you might not enjoy them later!" Which is more or less the implication.  I know my sweet girl might not always be sweet, but she'll always be MY girl and doing something wonderful.  Or developmentally appropriate that will eventually be something wonderful, in any case.  :)

The Lady with the Baby

When I wrote what I thought about being pregnant, I mentioned that everyone is nice to you.  I've discovered, though, that as the mother of a newborn (or nearly newborn), people are still really nice to you.  Or, I should say, they are nice to your baby.  People see our charming little baby and say things like, "Oh look, how sweet/precious/adorable/awesome (we did actually have someone tell us she was awesome)," and I have to remember to be polite and say, "Thank you," and not, "I know," which is what I'm thinking.

Women dragging toddlers and preschool children look at me pushing little Abby Bear, and they aren't thinking, "Gosh, I sure am glad my child can walk and feed himself and use the potty and sleep for six hours in a row."  No, they are thinking, "Gosh, I miss when he was that small."  I can see the wistfulness in their eyes.  And I think, "Do you really?  Do you really miss planning your day around feedings that are two hours apart?  Getting no more than 2.5 hours of sleep in a row?  Not being able to figure out why your precious little one is screaming her head off and not knowing what to do about it?"  However, I'm sure there are a thousand challenges that toddlers and preschool children present that I have no idea about, that when I have children that age, I might shrug and say, "Maybe I do miss it."

Therein lies what I am realizing is a paradox of parenthood.  For every hour of sleep I long for is someone saying "It gets easier."  And, although I still wonder WHEN, I can still see that it already has.  Kevin and I say things like, "We can't wait until Abby ________."  Sleeps more than three hours, laughs, is more interactive, can tell us what's wrong.  We can't wait to take her to the playground, have tickle fights, go swimming, try "grown up foods," etc.  But I am keenly aware that for every "can't wait until" that comes to pass, we lose something.

A couple of times a week, Abby and I go to a breastfeeding support group that we affectionately refer to as "Baby Breakfast."  This week, at one of them, I realized that Abby is no longer the tiny baby there.  We first went when she was only five days old, and I looked at several month-old babies like they were giants.  But now, I see babies who are even three weeks old, and born weighing more than Abby, and think they look so tiny.  And while Abby is certainly still small enough for snuggles, and will be for awhile, she's already gotten so much bigger.  The tiny baby phase is fleeting, and I try so hard to be conscious of that.  I don't want to spend so much energy "waiting until" that I don't appreciate how precious she is now, and at every stage, and how she will only pass through each for a short time.

"The days are long, but the years are short."  I try to remind myself of that during every long day.

Birthin' Babies

I've been rolling around a post in my head for awhile about my desire for a natural, unmedicated childbirth, but haven't quite gotten to it.  But the fact that I've been tearing up over a stranger's pending birth experience since yesterday has inspired me to finally get this out.  This internet stranger, MODG, has been hoping and trying fervently for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section), and despite her best efforts through diet, acupuncture, etc, it looks like she will have to have a scheduled Cesarean next week.  Her heartbreaking account and expression of her desire for a natural childbirth really resonated with me, and while it really captured my feelings, I still want to articulate it for myself.

(This could be a long one!)

"Pretty good, I just have a little cold."

For the past week, the title of this post was my answer to the previously-mentioned question, "How are you feeling?"  And, aside from the sore throat, sniffling and coughing, I did feel pretty good.  I was actually kind of amazed at how good I felt.  See, in May, during my first trimester, I got three or four colds in a row.  My colds always run the same course: sore throat, runny nose/stuffy head, coughing/itchy throat.  In May, each time the itchy throat started to fade, it would turn into a sore throat and we'd start all over.  So, I had waves of a cold for about six weeks straight.  I'm guessing it was a combination of weather changing and my compromised immune system.

Having a six-week cold that you can't take medication for is no fun; what made it even worse was the first trimester complaints that accompanied it - the exhaustion, nausea, and lack of appetite.  I was in a complete yucky haze.  So, just having just regular cold symptoms was not that bad!

Some people have asked me if it's worse being sick when your pregnant.  Other than that first trimester crap I had, no, not really.  I didn't feel any sicker this past week than I have with any other cold.  The thing that makes it harder is that I can't load up on cold medication to get me through the day.  According to the advice of my midwives (this is not my medical advice, please consult your physician!), with a few exceptions, I can take almost any single-symptom medication.  So, obviously, I shouldn't take my favorite Aleve Cold and Sinus with cough syrup (which might be a questionable combination under normal circumstances). And, of course, I shouldn't take more than one single-symptom medication at a time.  So, I have to decide which is worse at any part of the day - the sinus pressure and stuffiness, or the coughing?  Do I want an expectorant or a suppressant?  Is it less than four hours until bedtime?  If yes, then I probably want to wait until bedtime so I can sleep okay.  Which I guess is another challenge to being pregnant when sick - I don't get as good of sleep as I usually do.

Luckily, this hasn't been to terrible of a cold - I've actually foregone the meds a lot, deciding to only take them if I really couldn't sleep or function.  Although they say it's technically "safe" to take certain ones, I can't imagine it's the best thing, especially if you can avoid them.  I'm feeling more or less better now, though, so I'll have to find a new answer for next week. :-)

"How are you feeling?"

I'm finding, as a pregnant woman, there are a few questions you get asked ALL. THE. TIME.  Which, truthfully, didn't get tiresome to me until this weekend.  We're in Pennsylvania Dutch Country for a "Baby Moon," and have been having way more interactions with strangers, friendly strangers, than usual.  In any case, the top two questions, regardless of where I am, without a doubt, are:

1.  When are you due?
2.  What are you having?

Since I typically see the same people on a regular basis, they all know the answers to these questions.  It also seems to me, that, before this weekend, I was asked them so sporadically that I never minded answering.  But here, in Lancaster County, everyone wants to know.  Waiting in line at a chocolate cafe - the server wants to know.  Just got out of a the car in front of a furniture shop - the shopkeeper wants to know.  We're at a bed and breakfast, and have eaten with new people everyone morning, all of whom WANT. TO. KNOW.  I guess it's not that I mind them asking; I'm just kind of bored with giving the answers.  Making a joke about a Christmas baby, hope not right on Christmas, oh, you're mom/sister/son/best friend's birthday is in December, too? Ha ha; no, we want to be surprised, it seems like everyone is finding out these days, yes, yes, Christmas Surprise! Someone made the tax break joke this morning (hope that's born before January 1st!), which was a refreshing change of pace.

(Oh, so in case I don't know you that well, or haven't talked to you in awhile - December 23, and we're not finding out.  :-))

One question that I'm still not sure how to answer is the third most common one, "How are you feeling?"  I don't know for sure, but my sense is that this is slightly different from "How are you?"  Usually, when someone asks how you are, they don't really want to know - or, in any case, they don't want to know too much.  They want to hear that you're "fine," or, at the very worst, maybe something like, "a little under the weather, but pretty good, thank you!"  I kind of feel, though, when people ask a pregnant lady how she is feeling, they sort of expect you to be a little more honest.  Like, not graphically honest, but they expect you to have a small ailment, like being "a little nauseous," or "some back pain," or, "somewhat tired," but, of course, overall, "pretty good."  I almost feel like I should have a minor complaint - which I always do, don't worry!  But I do wonder if I'm misreading this.  What do you think?