"Would you do it again?"

In "Do You Like Being Pregnant?"  I speculated that I would be willing to do the pregnancy thing another one, maybe two times, but that I couldn't speak for the actual birthing part, yet.  Before the memory of Abby's birth got washed in the haze of precious newborn nostalgia, I wanted to take an honest look at the experience and ask myself, "Would I do this again?"  I made sure to ask myself this before I even left the hospital, because I know women notoriously somehow "forget" the pain of childbirth, which I can't really imagine.  Six weeks out, and, no, I haven't forgotten.  If you think of that pain scale that medical professionals always ask you to use to rate your pain, I've tried to imagine what a "10" would be.  Getting shot?  Getting dunked in acid?  Maybe having acid poured into your gunshot wound?

I will tell you, happily, labor is not as painful as acid in a gunshot wound, or even just getting shot.  Or, I should say, since I've never been shot, I don't think it is.  But the "crowning" (when baby's head actually makes the exit into the world) was definitely the worst pain I've ever experienced, so I would give it around an eight, I think.  I was one of those women in the movies, whose screaming terrified the poor women in the rest of the maternity wing, just starting their labor.  I probably inspired more women to go for the epidural than not.

I wanted to write this down, because I don't ever want to fool myself into thinking it didn't hurt, or that it was easy.

Despite the fact that labor and delivery were hard, I would do it again.  Even without medication.  I know I could look at it like, "Ok, you did it.  You proved you could do it; you've experienced it - so why not make it a little easier on yourself next time?"  Instead, though, knowing that I can do it makes me want to do it again.  Besides, they say the second birth is usually easier, and I at least have a vague idea of what to expect this time. (Yes, I know, every birth is different).  And, when it was over, it was over.

That's not to say I wouldn't do some things differently.  Next time, I'll know that those cramps aren't gas, and even if they might be Braxton Hicks contractions, when they start, I am going to crawl into bed and sleep until I can't sleep anymore.  Nothing to lose if I'm wrong and it's not active labor, but at least I'll be rested.  Same with eating.  I will have a huge, nutritious meal before I'm too sick and in pain to enjoy it.  I think being exhausted and weak with hunger made my labor much longer and harder than it needed to be, so I would do what I could to avoid that.

I might also pack my hospital bag a little sooner, and make sure the hospital had all of our paperwork before we got there.

Do women actually "forget" the pain of childbirth?  I also know that not all women experience it as painful, not even those who forgo medication.  Am I close enough that I still remember, but the memory will fade with time?  Will I look back on this post and Abby's Birth Story and think, "Oh, it wasn't really that bad?"  From where I sit now, the notion of "forgetting" what childbirth is like sells women short.  I'd like to think more that we look past it, or decide it's worth it, or, that, compared to future trials, it's not really that bad. Moms who are more experienced than me, what do you think?

I already think of the pregnancy that way.  Shortly after we brought Abby home, I waxed nostalgic for the days when Abby was still in my belly, even though that meant I could barely roll over in bed at night or put on my shoes.  But more about that nostalgia, later.

Yay, you read the whole post!  Here's a picture of our family the day we got home from the hospital.

Abby's Birth Story, Part I

Unless you're one of the rare individuals who happens upon this blog and doesn't actually know us in real life, you are probably well-aware that Baby - Abby - was born a few weeks ago.  When my last post talked about my days of pregnancy being numbered, I really didn't believe they were as numbered as they were - I was actually in labor at the time, but in complete denial.  More on that in a moment.

I've been wanting to write Abby's birth story for weeks - approximately four weeks, to be exact - but the last four weeks have been...challenging.  And time has escaped me completely.  But more on that in another post.  I can actually type this now because our electric breast pump came on Tuesday, so I can have both hands free at once...for a few minutes, anyway.  I know this is a little long and drawn out, so I understand if you want to skip it.  It's more for me, anyway.

So, on December 12th, the evening I wrote, "...since my pregnant days are numbered..." I should have known I was in labor, but didn't.  Or was in denial, at any rate.  I had been so worried about Baby coming early.  I had so much to do.  So many loose ends at work, so many preparations at home.  Errands to run, gifts to buy, etc, etc.  I wanted to be READY when Baby came.  I spent Wednesday, December 12th, knocking out what I could.  I drove to Catonsville to pick up glasses and contacts, stopped by Trader Joe's for Candy Cane Joe Joe cookies, and took Snuffles to the vet for a pre-baby check up.  When I felt cramping in my abdomen in the Trader Joe's parking lot, I chalked it up to gas.  My tummy had been feeling a litle bloaty and uncomfortable, anyway.  And, I was 38 weeks pregnant.  Abdominal discomfort was the norm.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, the cramping came and went.  Not in any regular fashion, but I figured out that this wasn't just gas.  However, just the previous week I had had cramping that was continuous for an entire day, and I figured this was the same thing - my body preparing for labor.  I expected that labor contractions would feel like, you know, contractions - like my abdomen contracting - not like menstrual cramps.  So, at dinner that night, I told Kevin, "Just so you know, I'm having some pains that I'll probably mention at our midwife appointment tomorrow.

HAHAHAHAHA.

As I was cleaning up after dinner, though, I noticed that the pains were starting and stopping...not quite regularly, but enough that I decided to record there start and stop times.  They still weren't regular at all.  Sometimes they lasted 20 seconds; sometimes a minute.  Sometimes they were three minutes apart, sometimes 15.  I was sure that, if these were indeed contractions, they were probably just Braxton Hicks.

Around 10 PM, I decided to call our doula.  She confirmed that it indeed sounded like something was going on, but at this point, it could be hours, or days.  Ah, the unpredictability of labor!  She said to wait until they were more organized, then to call her back.

So, writing that blog post, I really believed that these were early signs, but that they did not mean labor was imminent.  I had too much to do on Thursday!  Gifts to put in the mail, shopping to do, nursery decorations to make!  Baby needed to give me a few more days.  Nonetheless, I suggested that now might be a good time to pack our hospital bags and fill out our pre-paperwork.  Like the contractions, we were a little disorganized, and didn't get to bed until almost 1AM.

I couldn't sleep.  At all.  Because the cramps, a.k.a. CONTRACTIONS, were becoming regular.  Although our doula had warned against it, laying in bed, I downloaded an app to time the contractions.  I tried to sleep, but it was like being kicked every 4-6 minutes, so I figured I might as well keep track of these things.  So, I did that until around 3:30 AM, when it seemed like the timing was more frequently at the four-minute frequency than the six.  I woke Kevin up and said, "I think I'd better call the midwives."

The midwife on-call was pretty laissez-faire about things, telling me that I could come in if I wanted, but since it was my first, I could probably labor at home for awhile longer, if I wanted.  I knew I had a better chance of having the kind of labor and delivery I wanted if I hung at home a bit, so I did.

There was no going back to sleep, so I figured I should eat something.  Kevin made me some chicken broth and noodles, which I had with crackers. I actually did a little light cleaning after that - our families would be coming, and I didn't want them to think we lived like slobs in the weeks before the baby came!  Then, I decided to lay down and try to doze, or at least get some kind of rest.  I had been laying on the couch for maybe 10 minutes when I felt what I assumed was the baby move deep in the womb - kind of two wiggles or bounces - and felt a burst of fluid.  Now, they tell you that your water breaking can come in either a trickle or a gush.  I had been paranoid for weeks that my amniotic fluid was trickling and I wasn't noticing, but there was no mistaking this.  I ran - or rather, waddled purposely to the bathroom, and got cleaned up.  I then vomited three times in a row.

I called our doula and midwives again.  The midwife again told me that there was no rush, but I was starting to feel pretty anxious.  Soon, I felt pressure like I had to poop, and thought that this must be it, right?  We'd better get going!

To be continued...

"Do You Like Being Pregnant?"

This is another post I've been wanting to write for awhile, and figured I'd better get to it, since my days of actually being pregnant are numbered!

"Do you like being pregnant?" or "What do you think about being pregnant?" is not a question I've been asked a lot, but it's one that makes me think a little bit.  When reminiscing about pregnancy, some women will get a far-off, starry-look, smile wistfully, rub their bellies and coo, "I loved being pregnant."  Others will flatly state that they were sick and uncomfortable their whole pregnancy, and hated it.

My answer is, "It's ok."  This annoys Kevin, who sometimes gets frustrated about my lack of enthusiasm about things.  I guess, though, it's more accurate to say that is has its pros and cons.

Pros:

• People are nice to you.
• Maternity clothes are cute.
• As my belly has gotten bigger, my butt looks smaller.
• You can wear tight clothes and it's cute, because you're supposed to have a big, round belly.
• Feeling baby grow and move is pretty cool.
• Having a little person growing inside of you is kind of fascinating.

Cons:

• Having nausea for 3 months (I know some people have more!) straight
• Heartburn
• Back pain
• Can't sleep on my belly
• Since July, can't sleep on my back, either.
• Rolling over in bed is an Olympic feat.
• Muscle soreness in parts of my body that I didn't know had muscles that could get sore
• Bending down and picking things up can be excruciating.
• Realizing how much you rely on abdominal muscles for lifting and carrying things, because, where did they go?
• Not being able to eat/drink particular things
• Belly gets in the way of everyday activities, like cooking, washing dishes and even showering.

Despite definitely being uncomfortable, I know that I've had a much easier pregnancy than many women, both in terms of medical risk and discomfort.  So, even though I do a lot of complaining in my head and to my husband, I remind myself to be grateful that I haven't run into major issues.  And let me tell you, even though my back and leg pain can be grimace-worthy at times, I would take it a hundred times over that first-trimester nausea.

Now, looking back at the pros/cons list - even though the quantity of the "cons" list beats out the "pros," the vice versa is true when it comes to quality.  Having a baby grow inside of you is just pretty darn cool.  I would do it again.  Maybe even another two times.  At least, the pregnancy part - I'll have to let you know about the labor and delivery part.  I will tell you, though, that the cons are significant enough that there is no chance that we would ever be the Duggers or anything.  One more time, yes, Two more, maybe.  Spending the next 20 or so years of my life pregnant (assuming I was young enough that it would even be possible), ABSOLUTELY NOT.

So, we're within in the two week window!  Think good thoughts for us, and we'll see what happens!

Dropping the Baby, Reprise

Ok, so this is the photo I posted last week, questioning whether the baby had dropped:

However, I suspected that it might have appeared that way because it was the first photo I've taken in awhile without my maternity belt, which holds up my belly and takes pressure off my back.  So, the next day, we took another picture with the belt on, to see if my belly still looked low.

It's definitely up more than in the previous picture, but is it still lower than before?

It's hard to tell in this shirt. I haven't noticed the other signs of the baby dropping, such as "lightening." I'm still hungry a lot, and I still get out of breath quickly.  But anyway, does it matter?  Baby will come when he or she comes, right?  Here is this past week's photo:

Dropping the Baby

Over the past two weeks, two people have suggested that it looked like Baby was dropping.  Really?  I couldn't tell anything.  I figured I was probably just getting bigger.  So, I can't say for certain, but I think Baby might have really dropped last night.  Or be in the process of dropping.  I don't know how it works; I'm waiting for a midwife to call me back.  Tell me what you think.  This is from a few weeks ago:

...This is probably about 2 weeks ago:

...And this is from last night (I'm just 35 weeks):

At first, I thought my belly might just be a little saggy because I'm not wearing my super-sexy Gabrialla Maternity Support Belt (which has been miraculous in saving my back, but does not look nearly as neat and tidy as this one):

Not me.

But then I've been having some cramping all day that suggests something might be different.  Now, I'm going to tell everyone not to worry; that, from what I read, Baby can drop anywhere between 2-8 weeks prior to labor (I'm hoping to be right in the middle of that), and the first is usually farther out.  However, I am freaking out because I AM NOT READY FOR THIS BABY TO BE HERE. I just ordered a cradle mattress today!  I still have 2.5 weeks left of work to do!  We have to paint clouds on the ceiling of the nursery, wash baby clothes, and pick out cloth diapers!  Just typing those last three sentences gave me heartburn.  That, or the big bowl of chili I had for lunch. 

I've had several firm discussions with Baby about how he/she needs to stay in my belly for at least three more weeks.  We'll see how well Baby listens.  :-)

Birthin' Babies

I've been rolling around a post in my head for awhile about my desire for a natural, unmedicated childbirth, but haven't quite gotten to it.  But the fact that I've been tearing up over a stranger's pending birth experience since yesterday has inspired me to finally get this out.  This internet stranger, MODG, has been hoping and trying fervently for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section), and despite her best efforts through diet, acupuncture, etc, it looks like she will have to have a scheduled Cesarean next week.  Her heartbreaking account and expression of her desire for a natural childbirth really resonated with me, and while it really captured my feelings, I still want to articulate it for myself.

(This could be a long one!)

"Pretty good, I just have a little cold."

For the past week, the title of this post was my answer to the previously-mentioned question, "How are you feeling?"  And, aside from the sore throat, sniffling and coughing, I did feel pretty good.  I was actually kind of amazed at how good I felt.  See, in May, during my first trimester, I got three or four colds in a row.  My colds always run the same course: sore throat, runny nose/stuffy head, coughing/itchy throat.  In May, each time the itchy throat started to fade, it would turn into a sore throat and we'd start all over.  So, I had waves of a cold for about six weeks straight.  I'm guessing it was a combination of weather changing and my compromised immune system.

Having a six-week cold that you can't take medication for is no fun; what made it even worse was the first trimester complaints that accompanied it - the exhaustion, nausea, and lack of appetite.  I was in a complete yucky haze.  So, just having just regular cold symptoms was not that bad!

Some people have asked me if it's worse being sick when your pregnant.  Other than that first trimester crap I had, no, not really.  I didn't feel any sicker this past week than I have with any other cold.  The thing that makes it harder is that I can't load up on cold medication to get me through the day.  According to the advice of my midwives (this is not my medical advice, please consult your physician!), with a few exceptions, I can take almost any single-symptom medication.  So, obviously, I shouldn't take my favorite Aleve Cold and Sinus with cough syrup (which might be a questionable combination under normal circumstances). And, of course, I shouldn't take more than one single-symptom medication at a time.  So, I have to decide which is worse at any part of the day - the sinus pressure and stuffiness, or the coughing?  Do I want an expectorant or a suppressant?  Is it less than four hours until bedtime?  If yes, then I probably want to wait until bedtime so I can sleep okay.  Which I guess is another challenge to being pregnant when sick - I don't get as good of sleep as I usually do.

Luckily, this hasn't been to terrible of a cold - I've actually foregone the meds a lot, deciding to only take them if I really couldn't sleep or function.  Although they say it's technically "safe" to take certain ones, I can't imagine it's the best thing, especially if you can avoid them.  I'm feeling more or less better now, though, so I'll have to find a new answer for next week. :-)

"How are you feeling?"

I'm finding, as a pregnant woman, there are a few questions you get asked ALL. THE. TIME.  Which, truthfully, didn't get tiresome to me until this weekend.  We're in Pennsylvania Dutch Country for a "Baby Moon," and have been having way more interactions with strangers, friendly strangers, than usual.  In any case, the top two questions, regardless of where I am, without a doubt, are:

1.  When are you due?
2.  What are you having?

Since I typically see the same people on a regular basis, they all know the answers to these questions.  It also seems to me, that, before this weekend, I was asked them so sporadically that I never minded answering.  But here, in Lancaster County, everyone wants to know.  Waiting in line at a chocolate cafe - the server wants to know.  Just got out of a the car in front of a furniture shop - the shopkeeper wants to know.  We're at a bed and breakfast, and have eaten with new people everyone morning, all of whom WANT. TO. KNOW.  I guess it's not that I mind them asking; I'm just kind of bored with giving the answers.  Making a joke about a Christmas baby, hope not right on Christmas, oh, you're mom/sister/son/best friend's birthday is in December, too? Ha ha; no, we want to be surprised, it seems like everyone is finding out these days, yes, yes, Christmas Surprise! Someone made the tax break joke this morning (hope that's born before January 1st!), which was a refreshing change of pace.

(Oh, so in case I don't know you that well, or haven't talked to you in awhile - December 23, and we're not finding out.  :-))

One question that I'm still not sure how to answer is the third most common one, "How are you feeling?"  I don't know for sure, but my sense is that this is slightly different from "How are you?"  Usually, when someone asks how you are, they don't really want to know - or, in any case, they don't want to know too much.  They want to hear that you're "fine," or, at the very worst, maybe something like, "a little under the weather, but pretty good, thank you!"  I kind of feel, though, when people ask a pregnant lady how she is feeling, they sort of expect you to be a little more honest.  Like, not graphically honest, but they expect you to have a small ailment, like being "a little nauseous," or "some back pain," or, "somewhat tired," but, of course, overall, "pretty good."  I almost feel like I should have a minor complaint - which I always do, don't worry!  But I do wonder if I'm misreading this.  What do you think?

"Morning" Sickness

I just happened on a post I wrote in my first trimester, intending to put it up right after we went public.  Considering it's about 20 weeks later, at this point, that obviously didn't happen.  I saw it as a public service announcement as I was writing it, though, so I do feel it's my duty to share it with you now.

SPOILER ALERT:  My "morning sickness" did subside by a few weeks into the second trimester, so I haven't been one of those horrible cases I refer to.

WARNING:  This post contains a lot of vomit.  Ok, actually, it doesn’t contain any vomit but a lot of talk about non-existent vomit, so if you’re sensitive, you might want to skip it. People need to know this stuff.

20 Down, 20 To Go!

It's hard to believe, but as of Sunday, we are halfway through our first pregnancy!  I haven't decided yet how freaked out to be about that.  In any case, here's what that looks like from the outside:

Or, at least, as of last Wednesday night.  Which is apropos, because that same morning, we got to take a picture of Baby on the inside:

Baby's noggin, which I'm sure is enormous.

Pretty cool! I had been feeling Baby moving around for about 2 weeks already, but Baby still isn't big enough to feel movement from the outside.  So, it was pretty cool for Kevin, especially, to see Baby moving around on the screen.  I think it made it more real for him.  Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I've said that I thought it was so weird that there was a little creature growing inside of me, and Kevin would respond with, "I think it's cool!" or "I think it's awesome!"  It's not that I don't think those things, but I also think it's pretty weird.  I also understand that millions of women grow little creatures inside of them every year, so it's not uncommon, but when you spend the first 33 years of your life not having a being inside of you, it's something you kind of marvel at.  But, after seeing Baby on the screen, I think it made Kevin really realize that THERE IS A LITTLE PERSON INSIDE OF TRACIE, because afterwards he said, "That is kind of weird."

For inquiring minds who don't already know, we're not finding out the sex.  We both really like surprises, and figure there aren't many really good surprises in life, so let's take advantage of this one.  We understand that is causing many of our friends and family much consternation, as they aren't able to buy adorable pink/princess or blue/baseball stuff for Baby.  I appreciate your frustration, but I just encourage you to be creative in your gift-buying. :-)  In any case, Baby will be born around Christmas, so there's all sorts of opportunity for holiday adorableness.  :-)

Bun in the Oven!

In case you missed it somehow because you read blogs but not Facebook or email (or maybe you don't know us, in which case, WELCOME!):

What we shared on Facebook.

We're due right around the end of December, so we're looking at a little Christmas baby!  Which was unintentional, by the way.  When I realized it, I was like, "ooohhhhh...."  I was focused on getting pregnant, not when the baby would be born!  Whatever happens, he/she is sure to be the best Christmas gift ever!

And, speaking of he/she, to answer the second question everyone asks, no, we are not finding out the sex.  There are so few good surprises in life, we want to be surprised.

We hope to keep updating this latest project on the blog, as well as some of our other ones!  Yes, I still need to finish Germany, and yes, we planted a garden that I would like to tell you about.  At 12 weeks, I hear that more energy for me is right around the corner...I hope.

For now, enjoy some outtakes from our "Bun in the Oven" photo shoot:

We tried looking like we were patiently (or not-so-patiently) waiting.

Our eager anticipation started to look a little like crazy.  I'm guessing this will be me closer to December?

And, of course, obligatory hand-heart belly shot:

With the bun, of course.